Chapter Five:
Dubiously Happy Ever After
"I've been meaning to tell you," Narcissa said shyly, "you're terribly good at Potions. I watch the way you measure and mix, and it's... kind of poetic, really." It was the end of class, and Narcissa had told her friends to leave without her. Today, she was on a mission of sorts, and she didn't need any additional pressure.
"Thank you," Severus replied. He was staying behind to help Professor Parrish put everything back in order. Right then, he was arranging the ingredient jars alphabetically.
Narcissa twisted a strand of her long, blonde hair around her index finger. "I'm having a bit of trouble myself. Do you think you could help me?" She had a feeling that Severus probably wasn't fond of dances and such, so she wasn't about to ask him to the Yule Ball. She could ask him to tutor her, though, and she did need help.
Severus set a jar on the middle shelf. He seemed to be thinking it over. Then he looked over his shoulder and said, "All right, I suppose I could. Any girl sensible enough to see through Sirius Black can't possibly be all bad."
"He's horrible," Narcissa agreed, wrinkling her little nose. "He simply doesn't know when to quit."
"Yes, I noticed that last week."
Just then, Remus Lupin peeked in. "Hello, Narcissa," he said politely.
"Hello, Remus," Narcissa said in return. For a boy who spent so much time with Sirius Black, she thought he was rather sweet.
Remus ran his hand over his hair. "If it's all right, I'd like to speak with Severus for a moment. In private, please."
Narcissa looked at Severus questioningly. Then she said, "Yes, that's fine." Severus and Remus stepped out into the hall.
"It's rude to eavesdrop, Narcissa," Professor Parrish chided her. Only seconds after Severus and Remus left the potions lab, Narcissa had pressed her ear to the door. Luckily for her, they hadn't closed it all the way or she couldn't have heard a single word.
Narcissa looked back at her over her shoulder. "It isn't eavesdropping, Professor," Narcissa whispered defensively, "It's... getting pertinent information."
Professor Parrish shook her head and chuckled. "Youth." She went back to grading quizzes.
Something was said about a meeting... Remus meeting Severus at the lake tonight... Severus would be there... looked forward to seeing him.... Something garbled.... Then, no one said anything. Curious, Narcissa peeked through the crack in the door. Remus was departing, and Severus was turning around. Narcissa scrambled away from the door and tried her best to look innocent.
"How much did you hear?" Severus asked when he walked back into the room.
"Everything," Narcissa admitted, shuffling her feet. "But you told me before that you like girls."
Severus shrugged and said easily, "I do. Remus and I are just close friends. We have been since first year -- much to Black's chagrin, I might add, which I consider a bonus."
Narcissa tried to look less relieved than she felt. Yes, she had a chance. "So when should we meet, then?" she asked.
"This Saturday," Severus replied, "in the Slytherin Common Room. Ten o'clock works well for me."
"Excellent. I'll meet you then."
- - - - - -
"Tell me about yourself," Narcissa said to Severus. They were in the Slytherin Common Room, sitting on the floor with a few books between them.
"I thought I was here to tutor you," Severus responded flatly.
"Well, yes, you are, but...." Narcissa fidgeted. "No one knows much about you," she told him, "and I can't help being curious. Like, how do you know so many curses, anyway?"
Severus sighed and rolled his eyes. "I swear," he said, exasperated, "is that all that anyone cares about? I've been hearing that same question since the day I arrived at this school."
"Well, then, we don't have to talk about that. Tell me about your parents instead." That seemed like a neutral topic. From what Narcissa had seen of them every year at King's Cross Station, Severus' parents were very caring people. They never failed to tell their son how much they loved him before he left, or to give him hugs and kisses. Even though Narcissa knew her parents loved her, too, they typically just sent her off with a servant and a quick peck on the cheek.
Strangely, though, Severus deflated visibly at the mention of his parents. "I don't care to discuss them, either," he said, "and I'd rather you stopped asking personal questions."
Narcissa said, "All right." And for the next hour, she and Severus both focused on getting her up to speed with her lessons.
"You're catching on quickly," Severus said. "Next week's test should be easy for you."
Narcissa smiled. "Thank you."
"Should we meet again the night before?"
Narcissa's heart skipped a beat. "Yes, of course."
"Good. Then we will right after supper."
And from that point on, Narcissa met with Severus to study at least once a week. Her grades did improve quite a bit in a very short time, going from being merely good to being near the top of the class. Severus was a very good teacher; Narcissa told him so. He told her that this was only because she was paying such close attention.
- - - - - -
Just as Narcissa had predicted, Severus had no interest in going the the Yule Ball. They spent that night, their third study session, doing Potions homework together.
"I'm not fond of parties," Severus informed her when she asked him why he wasn't attending. "Too many people and too much noise."
Narcissa smiled and said, "I figured as much."
Severus asked, "Why aren't you at the ball? I'm sure half the boys in the school must have asked you, and I always assumed you'd enjoy that sort of thing."
"It's... not for me," Narcissa faltered. "I have other obligations." She flipped through her notes.
"Such as what?"
"...It's a family matter. I'd rather not discuss it now."
Severus brushed his hair away from his face and tucked it behind his left ear. Narcissa couldn't quite say why, but she found this gesture charming. "I understand," Severus said. "I won't press you for answers."
Narcissa looked at him through her lowered lashes. "Maybe we could make an exchange," she suggested. "I'll tell you my secret if you tell me yours."
"I don't have any secrets."
"You could tell me about your family."
Severus averted his gaze. "Them." He sighed. "There's little to tell."
"Then just tell me what little there is."
Severus looked at her for a long time, a question shimmering in his eyes that Narcissa couldn't quite decipher. Then, quietly, he said, "What if I told you that I'm not Pureblood?" His gaze didn't falter at all, and neither did his voice. Yes, he was dead serious.
Narcissa blinked. "You're... what?"
"Surprised, Narcissa? My father in a half-breed, and my mother is Muggle-born."
"But... but you know so many curses, and...."
"The Dark Arts have always fascinated me. I studied them in spite of my parents, not because of their encouragement."
"But... but...."
Severus gave a short, bitter laugh and gathered up his things. "Hmph. I suspected as much." He headed towards the Common Room door.
Narcissa stood up and said, "Wait. Don't go." She could scarcely believe those words had come from her own lips.
Severus looked back.
"I still want to study with you," Narcissa said. "Even given that." Such talents as his must count for something, she rationalized silently. I've heard that even Voldemort himself is half-blood. While Narcissa's parents weren't among Voldemort's closest followers, they did agree with his agenda of Muggle extermination and enslavement. They often talked about it over dinner, and Narcissa did read the papers every now and then.
Severus said quietly, "All right." He and Narcissa both sat back down on the floor.
Narcissa smiled a secret smile. She knew that, at the very least, they were finally close to being friends. But regardless of what happened between her and Severus, Narcissa knew deep down that there was no escape from her impending marriage to Lucius. It wasn't that she didn't like Lucius; she had warmed up to him quite a bit since the day he'd rescued her from having to be alone with his father. Nonetheless, the thought of a future cast in stone was more than a little unnerving to her.
- - - - - -
He's going to propose to me fairly soon, Narcissa thought quite often during her fifth year. On her sixteenth birthday, the engagement was scheduled to become official. Will he come to the school? Will he give me a ring? Somehow, Narcissa decided, it didn't seem very likely that Lucius would show up in person to visit his teenage bride-to-be. He would probably just send an announcement of some kind.
"Is something wrong?" Severus asked. "I've asked you three times about the most common uses of bergamot, and you have yet to give me an answer." They were studying together in the Common Room as usual.
"It's... it's nothing," Narcissa replied distractedly. She looked up from her textbook and forced a nervous smile. "Actually, I could ask the same of you. You've seemed rather tense lately."
"It's a personal matter," Severus said. "You needn't concern yourself."
Narcissa knew Severus well enough to let the matter drop before she started getting on his nerves. So, instead, she she asked for advice regarding her own situation without telling him what it was.
"Severus," Narcissa asked, "if there was something you had to do that you knew could well make you very unhappy, would you do it anyway if it was your duty?"
"As a rule, yes," Severus said. "I think that keeping one's obligations is vitally important. Why do you ask?"
"No reason."
"Hm."
And that was the end of it.
A little over one week later, Narcissa turned sixteen. On that day, she received a little black velvet box and a letter that bore the Malfoy family seal stamped in gold. She knew this could only mean one thing, and she stared at the items for quite some time. She didn't even pay attention to the gift her parents had sent her, which was inside a beautifully wrapped and ribboned package to her left.
"That looks important," Suzanne observed. She and the rest of Narcissa's friends were all closely huddled around at the lunch table.
"It probably is," Narcissa agreed, trying not to sound as morose as she felt. As soon as she opened up this box and envelope, her life would never be the same.
"Well, open it already," Daphne urged impatiently. "The suspense is killing us!"
Narcissa tended to the velvet box first, untying the slender white ribbon around it and flipping the box open. Inside it was a platinum ring set with a very large diamond. It must have been ten karats at least, and it shone like a star.
"Ohhh," the girls all swooned, oohing and aahing like they'd never stop.
"That's so beautiful," Anna whispered. "Is it... an engagement ring?"
"I'm certain it is," Narcissa said. Her voice sounded odd and distant.
"Open the envelope, Narcissa," Suzanne told her, placing her hand her friend's shoulder. "We absolutely have to see this!"
So, Narcissa did just that. The letter inside it read:
My apologies for not asking you in person, but I just couldn't wait any longer. Narcissa, will you marry me?
Lucius Malfoy.
As expected, it was Suzanne who summed the situation up best. Her dark eyes round behind her glasses, she said, "Oh. My. GOD."
Anna demanded, "Narcissa, why didn't you tell us? I thought we were your friends!"
"I had to keep is secret," Narcissa explained. "My parents told me to. But you know now, so all should be well."
"How long have you known him?"
"Since I was four."
"How long have you been seeing him?"
"Since I was..." Narcissa knew she couldn't say twelve, "...fifteen."
"You're going to marry Lucius Malfoy," Marina whispered in awe.
"You're going to sleep with Lucius Malfoy," Suzanne ammended with a touch of playful envy, "any time you want!"
"But what about Severus?" Anna asked. "Aren't you...?"
"We're just friends," Narcissa told her. "I'm starting to think that's all we'll ever be." She slipped on Lucius' ring, just staring at it in disbelief. How could something so small and beautiful feel so much like a pair of iron shackles?
Chapter Six: Never Like the Fairytale
"Narcissa," Severus asked, "would it be all right if we rescheduled tonight's appointment? I'm not feeling up to it." It happened in during supper, shortly after Narcissa's engagement had become official. Severus had approached her to make this request.
"Are you ill?" Narcissa asked. He certainly did look it. His face looked drawn, ten years older, and even paler than usual. He must have been either ill or quite shaken. He kept clutching and rubbing his left forearm.
Severus shook his head, not quite looking at her. "No, nothing like that," he said. "I simply have a lot on my mind."
"We could talk about it," Narcissa suggested.
"It wouldn't do much good, but thank you for the offer." And with that, he left.
"He's a strange one," Suzanne remarked, looking after him.
"He can be," Narcissa agreed, "but interesting nonetheless."
"How does it feel to be engaged?" Daphne asked, nudging Narcissa playfully in the ribs. "Do you feel any different?"
"Sort of," Narcissa said truthfully, playing with her ring. "And I imagine that during spring recess, there were be a lot of people who want to take pictures of Lucius and me."
It turned out that Narcissa was absolutely correct. When spring vacation did arrive and she returned to her parents' manor, she was greeted by photographers, reporters and interviewers from nearly every paper in the Wizarding world, and Lucius and his family often visited to provide joint photo opportunities.
"Oh, yes, we're quite proud of our son's choice," Desireé said with her standard smug smile. "Such a lovely, cultured young woman will be quite welcome in our family."
"And our little girl certainly couldn't do better than Lucius," Belisma simpered with a ladylike little laugh. "We shall be quite proud to call such a man our son-in-law, and the Malfoy family name has always had our deepest respect."
The men had their say, too, but the women did most of the talking, posing and charming. Narcissa herself didn't say very much, though, save for "Yes, we're very happy," and "Oh, no I didn't hesitate to accept his proposal at all.... Arranged marriage? Who started that rumor? It's absolutely silly," just like her mother had coached her to.
Lucius' lines were similar. His parents must have rehearsed with him, too. Truthfully, Narcissa was grateful for the chance to interview jointly with him. If Narcissa was alone and grew tired of talking, she would curtly say, "Thank you," and disappear back into the mansion as quickly as possible. If Lucius was there, though, he didn't show quite the same concern for general rules of decorum. Once he had had enough or Narcissa told him that she had, he would tell the reporters once: "I grow weary of this. Please take your leave." If they persisted with their questions, he would seize the nearest one by the collar and insist, "Leave now. We've indulged you long enough." After that, they always left. Narcissa never failed to find this entertaining.
Narcissa's vacation was almost over by the time that she could be alone with Lucius again for any length of time, but she had insisted they meet at least once away from their families and the press. He agreed to meet her in her family's garden, by the fountain with the unicorn statue. They sat next to each other on the white marble bench there.
"I have a question for you, Lucius," Narcissa said. "Why are you marrying me?" She had given little thought to this before, caught up as she was in her own dilemma and wishing it would go away. But now that there was no turning back, she had to have an answer.
"What do you mean?" Lucius asked.
"Well, your situation is quite different from mine. I wasn't exactly old enough to have much say in the matter, but you... well.... Didn't anyone ask your opinion before this was arranged?"
"They did," Lucius confirmed, "when I was sixteen and you were four. Out parents have talked about forming a union between the Chantals and the Malfoys since you were a baby. At that age, I wasn't thinking much about the future, but I still understood the concept of power. I agreed that such a union was a good idea."
"Then what?"
"Then I met you again eight years later and was forced to realize that I was engaged to a child. Frankly, it didn't sit well with me." Lucius looked at Narcissa for quite some time. A breeze stirred his long, white-blond hair, and somehow, this made him look even handsomer than usual. There was also an intensity in his near-colorless gray eyes which, while always present to an extent, was burning especially bright.
"Now, however," Lucius continued, "this is clearly not the case. You have grown into a very beautiful young woman." He brushed Narcissa's cheek with the backs of his fingers.
Narcissa blushed a pretty shade of pink. "Thank you."
"Now," Lucius asked, "how do you feel about me?"
Narcissa fidgeted a little and confessed, "I'm not really certain. This is all a bit much."
"You're young. You have time to learn."
Narcissa twisted her skirt in her lap. She wanted to mention Severus to him, but she wondered if that was a good idea. Choosing to err on the side of caution, she kept silent on the matter. "Two more years," she said nervously, "and I'll be your wife." Is that good or not?
Lucius smiled. "And I'll be your husband," he responded, giving her a slow, appreciative once-over. "I daresay, I'm... quite looking forward to our wedding night."
"Yes." Narcissa cleared her throat. "Our wedding night."
While Narcissa was busy thinking about that, Lucius gave her her first kiss. It was only a sweet, simple kiss on the lips and a light caress of her hair, but it still left her flushed and giddy like the heroine of a romance novel. It amazed her that such a tiny gesture could wield so much power.
"Lucius...." Narcissa whispered.
"I'm afraid I have to go. But I will see you again once you've returned for the summer." With that, Lucius stood up, nodded once and walked away. Narcissa, dazzled, touched her lips and never took her eyes off him.
What am I going to do now? Narcissa wondered. I know I have feelings for Severus, too, but this is.... I don't know what this is. What's happening to me?
Unsure of what else to do, Narcissa decided to talk it over with someone who she knew wouldn't judge her, talk back or reveal her secrets: her pet owl Balthasar, who was stationed in her room. He was napping peacefully in his cage when Narcissa saw him.
"Balthasar," Narcissa said as she closed her bedroom door, "I'm in a bit of a spot right now." She sat down on the edge of her bed and folded her hands in her lap.
Balthasar had yet to open his eyes. Unless Narcissa had imagined it, he was also snoring quietly, his head half-tucked under one great white wing.
"You're being very rude, you know," Narcissa scolded the owl. "I came here to talk to you about a very important matter, and here you are fast asleep."
Balthasar slowly opened one yellow eye.
"That's better." Narcissa twiddled her thumbs. "You see," she began, "there's a boy at school -- a friend -- whom I've gotten quite attached to. I'm not quite sure how he feels about me, but... I know that he does like me as a friend at least. And it has nothing to do with my last name or what I look like: it's because of who I am. And I like him for that same reason."
While Narcissa was explaining this, Balthasar took his head out from under his wing. He seemed to be listening carefully, his full attention focused on Narcissa.
"But I'm also very drawn to Lucius now," Narcissa went on. "It's... it's... something else, though. I'm not sure what to call it, but he kissed me today and it made me feel warm all over. I hesitate to call it love, but whatever it is, it's incredibly nice."
Balthasar hooted sympathetically.
Narcissa sighed and said, "I guess that what I need to know is... am I a bad person for wanting them both in my life?"
The owl seemed to be thinking it over. Then, he hooted in such a defiant way that Narcissa didn't doubt he was voicing his support of her.
"Thank you, Balthasar," Narcissa said. "I knew that I could count on you." She opened the bottom drawer of her nightstand and took out a little canister of Trogden's Gourmet Owl Treats, of which she gave Balthasar three. Like any other member of the Chantal family, Balthasar didn't wolf down his food like a savage. He nibbled at each treat in a dignified way and gave a hoot of gratitude when he was done. After that, he went back to sleep.
- - - - - -
When she went back to school the following week, Narcissa decided to ask Suzanne for some input on her dilemma. True, it was nice having Balthasar lend a friendly ear, but she still needed a advice from a human. Since Suzanne seemed to be quite knowledgeable regarding such things, Narcissa thought that she was probably the best person to ask.
"I think you're in lust," Suzanne said with a wink. "That's what it sounds like to me, anyway, not that I can blame you. If Lucius Malfoy ever kissed me, I know I would feel the same way."
"But... you can't get married just for that, right?" Narcissa asked, fidgeting. "Somehow, to me, that doesn't seem proper."
"Do you still like Severus?" Anna asked, scooting further into the circle of young women on Narcissa's bed.
Narcissa sighed. "Yes, I do. And that's making things terribly difficult."
"Wow," Anna whispered, "it's just like the choice Persephone had to make in Rebel Hearts."
Narcissa rolled her eyes and said, "Anna, this is no romance novel, this is my life! And I don't know what to do."
"Are you married yet?" Suzanne asked.
"No," Narcissa replied.
Suzanne shrugged. "Then I say do whatever you like. What Lucius doesn't know can't hurt him." If anyone would know this, it had to be Suzanne. The last time Narcissa had checked, she was juggling at least three boyfriends. Narcissa had to admit that this viewpoint was tempting.
In the meantime, though, Narcissa continued to meet with Severus for help with Potions, just as they had done before spring recess. Something was different about him, though; she couldn't put her finger on it. She knew that something had happened (which, of course, he wouldn't discuss) to end his friendship with Remus not long before the break, and she remembered his strange behavior on that day when he'd canceled their session. Whatever it was that had changed him before, it was burning brighter now. He had a kind of fire about him that, frankly, reminded Narcissa of Lucius.
"You seem distracted," Severus observed. He and Narcissa were holding their study session in Professor Parrish's classroom today since Narcissa was having trouble identifying certain ingredients by sight. Normally, Professor Parrish wouldn't have allowed her students in there alone, but Severus was her favorite student, and she trusted him.
"It's you," Narcissa said. "Something has changed."
"Really," Severus said airily. He took a spoonful of something red out of a jar whose label was facing away from Narcissa. "Name this," he told her.
"Um.... dragon's blood."
"Very good." Severus put the powder back in its jar and closed it.
"It's the way you look at me," Narcissa persisted. "It's something in your eyes."
Severus answered simply, "You're a beautiful girl. We may be friends and you may be engaged, but nonetheless, I'm hardly blind." He tested her on mugwort next, which Narcissa took two guesses to get.
Narcissa bit her lip. "What if... what if I told you that I have mixed feelings about my engagement? That while I do like Lucius, I don't know if I could spend the rest of my life with him?"
Severus smirked. "I've always thought that love is overrated," he said. "I'd say you're better off not wasting your time searching for it, and that you should make the best of the matter."
Narcissa stared at him in dismay.
Severus raised an eyebrow. "What?"
"That isn't what you're supposed to say," Narcissa explained disapprovingly. She had expected (or at least hoped) that he would be more sympathetic and, at the very least, tell her that she should follow her heart.
Severus looked very confused.
"Oh, never mind," said a highly exasperated Narcissa. "You would never understand."
Severus retorted, "Well, what do you expect from me? It isn't like I can do anything about the situation, so I offered you some practical advice."
Narcissa pointed out, "Well, you could've tried to make me feel better."
"How am I supposed to do that if you won't even listen to rea--" He was cut off as Narcissa, frustrated and at a loss for words, resorted to action to make her point. Narcissa took matters into her own hands by kissing Severus right on the lips.
"I've been wanting to do that for ages," Narcissa told him in a huff, "but you never asked me."
At first, Severus just stood there. He must have been in shock. Still, that new fire in his eyes sparked and flared up for an instant before it began to smolder dangerously. "Don't tempt me," he warned her. "If you do, I'll take you seriously."
Narcissa answered him, "That's exactly what I want." Or at least she hoped she did. It was obvious enough what Severus had in mind right then, and Narcissa hoped she knew what she was doing by giving him permission to act on that desire. Regardless of the consequences, she just had to know.
Severus tilted his head slightly, studying Narcissa. "Are you sure?"
"Yes. I am."
"Even with your engagement to Lucius."
"You don't need to ask me again."
"Well, then, if you're certain...." Severus held Narcissa close to him, running his hands up and down her back, and kissed her greedily as if he sought to devour her. Narcissa thought it felt quite nice; she returned his kisses with an equal fervor. But when Severus tried to lower Narcissa to the floor, she scrambled away from him.
"You're doing it wrong," Narcissa objected, brushing herself off.
Severus only blinked.
Narcissa explained to him matter-of-factly, "It isn't romantic if we do it here like... animals. You're supposed to take me someplace special -- like to the lake, perhaps, or even that hidden room Suzanne is always talking about."
Severus stared at her, dumbfounded. He said, "Please tell me you're joking."
"I know how this is supposed to work. I've read all about it in stories."
"Really," Severus said coolly. "Then perhaps it's time you learned some new lessons pertaining to reality." His eyes locked with hers. "You see, Narcissa," he went on, "we have the time and the opportunity right here. That rarely happens in this school from what I've heard of it. We also have, according to you, a mutual desire, and desire can be fleeting. I am also not a patient person, and I certainly have no wish to be told that I am doing it 'wrong' by a girl who, to my understanding, has no more experience in these matters than I do. If anything is to happen tonight, it will only happen if you understand and accept these terms. Is that clear to you." He didn't say it as a question. It was closer to a command.
Narcissa couldn't quite say why, but she was getting that same funny warm feeling that she did when she was kissed. She swallowed, licked her lips and whispered, "Yes."
"Good. Have you changed your mind?"
"No."
"Then let's not waste more time."
It wasn't like a romance novel, at least not exactly. The basic mechanics were pretty similar, but not much else was. There weren't any whispered sweet sentiments; no one said a word about love. Instead, there was only Narcissa Chantal, a pile of robes of the Potions room floor, and the searching, exploratory caresses of a curious, eager young man who wasn't always quite sure what to do.
Severus' gaze feasted openly on Narcissa's exposed skin once he had removed her dress, stockings and underthings. He drank in and ran his hands over the curve of her shoulder, the soft mounds of her breasts and their rosy pink nipples, the roundness of her hips, the length of her thighs. He was visibly fascinated by Narcissa's body, and she guessed that he had never seen a woman naked before. This was fair enough since she had never seen a man.
Before long, Narcissa reached up and helped Severus out of his black turtleneck; she reached down, her hands shaking a little, and unbuckled the belt holding up his black jeans. As soon as she pulled down his pants, it was obvious to her that Severus wanted her very much. Curious, she slipped her hand inside his underwear. Both of them gasped at the same time, and Severus let out a shuddering breath.
"Narcissa...." Severus whispered. His breathing was already rapid and shallow.
Narcissa gave a little smile and removed the last of Severus' clothing, just as intrigued by his body as he had been by hers.
Severus was remarkable in a way. Not like the men in romance novels, but in some other sense that Narcissa couldn't quite pin down. His slender body had a certain grace to it that Narcissa found appealing, and the pallor of his skin made the darkness of his hair and eyes seem all the more stunning by contrast. Was he handsome? Not exactly. But he was quite charming in the quirky, unassuming way of a reasonably attractive person who didn't give himself enough credit.
"You're trembling," Narcissa said softly as she continued touching him. By this time, the two of them were sitting on the floor atop their discarded robes. Truthfully, Narcissa liked Severus this way. His cheeks were brightly flushed, his lips were slightly parted, and when Narcissa leaned in close enough, she felt Severus' heart pounding.
"I need you," Severus rasped, lacing his fingers through Narcissa's hair. Narcissa understood what he meant, so she just leaned back and parted her thighs.
Narcissa grasped at her robes, squeezed her eyes shut and bit her lip to keep from crying out. Oh, God, she thought, this is real. It was real, and it hurt as something tore inside of her. She knew about this from her books, but nothing written could have prepared her for all the emotions and sensations that overtook her in that moment. A flash of pain... confusion... joy... fear.... What was happening to her? What had she just done?
Once it was over, Narcissa was crying. She sat as she wept, still naked, curled up in a ball of shame on Severus' robes and hers. What had gone wrong? By doing this, she thought she was supposed to find true love, just like the women in her stories. Instead, she was wondering if she had made a big mistake that was impossible to fix.
"Narcissa?" It was Severus, of course, who had placed his hand on her shoulder. "Narcissa, why are you crying?"
"I still don't know if I love you," she whispered. "I'm just... more confused."
"Love is overrated," Severus chided her gently. This was the second time he had told her this tonight, but now, it sounded like an endearment. "This... isn't at all what I intended, and I'm terribly sorry for doing this to you." He held her in his arms and kissed her on the forehead as one might a scared little girl.
"Don't let go of me," Narcissa pleaded. Her eyes were wide and desperate. "Please don't let go of me." Right then, she didn't care at all about image, pride or anything else of that nature. She just didn't want to be alone.
Severus promised her, "I won't." And for at least an hour, he did sit with her, soothing both of their consciences while he smoothed Narcissa's hair and told her it would be all right. Ironically, when he did this, Narcissa had her questions answered.
Chapter Seven: The Story of O
Narcissa spent the rest of the evening in something of a haze. Had... what had happened... really happened? A slight ache between her legs told her that, yes, it had. Before she and Severus got dressed and left the Potions room, Severus had used a charm to remove the bloodstains from their robes. In way, though, Narcissa almost wished that she could have kept this reminder of what they had done. Of the moment they had crossed the point of no return.
Looking back, it really hadn't been that bad at all. It simply hadn't been quite what Narcissa was expecting. The closeness was nice in spite of the pain, and being held by Severus after was, to her, the best part of the act. Narcissa knew that Severus must have genuinely cared for her. Otherwise, he wouldn't have stayed.
Do I love him? Narcissa wondered. She leaned against the rough stone wall in the hallway and wrapped her arms around herself. Yes, she thought it could be love, or at least something very much like it. Whatever it was that bound them together, it was lovely and unique, and a treasure such as this didn't really need a name. Perhaps this was what Severus meant when he said love was overrated.
Nonetheless, Narcissa knew that she had complicated matters even further. Now that she had been with Severus, the idea of sleeping with Lucius seemed wrong to her somehow.
"Are you with us, Narcissa?" It was Suzanne. She and all the rest of the girls had congregated in the usual place for the evening's gossip. "I don't think you've heard a word we said."
Narcissa blinked several times. "Hm? Oh. Sorry." She looked at her friends, but her eyes were distant as she asked, "What were we talking about, again?"
"My new boyfriend," Suzanne said, frowning, "but I think you have something better to share."
"Um... better?" Narcissa was blushing.
"It must be something serious to keep you this distracted."
"You know, Narcissa," Daphne observed slyly, "you were in the lab with Severus an awfully long time. Are you certain it was only Potions you were studying?"
Narcissa covered her mouth with her hand and tried not to giggle.
Suzanne and Daphne were the first to register the realization. Marina was next. Anna was last. But it wasn't long before all four girls were looking at each other, covering their mouths, too, and trying not to squeal too much.
"Narcissa, you didn't!" Anna gasped. "I mean, did you really...?"
Narcissa said coyly, "Maybe."
"What was it like?"
"Not what I expected," Narcissa admitted, "but it was quite nice. I'm very fond of him." Suddenly remembering, she said, "That reminds me." She reached under her bed and brought up her copy of Passions Unbound, the latest novel she had borrowed from Suzanne. "It's been lovely of you to let me read these, but... I'm really not that interested in them anymore." She gave the book back to its owner.
Suzanne said, "That's fine," and set it aside.
"But what will you tell Lucius?" Anna asked. "I mean, once you get married...."
Narcissa admitted worriedly, "I hadn't thought of that." She didn't doubt that deflowering her was something Lucius looked forward to.
"Tell him that it happened while you were riding a hippogriff," Suzanne suggested with a wink. "It could have, and besides, do you really think that he's been saving himself the whole while?" Before Narcissa could respond, Suzanne gasped, took her by the shoulders and said urgently, "Oh, goodness. Narcissa, are you taking anything?"
Narcissa looked at her blankly. "Taking anything?"
"So that you won't get pregnant."
"What?"
"You'd best get to Madam Pomfrey straight away. Don't worry; she'll be able to help you."
"But...."
"Now!"
Narcissa didn't argue with her. She hurried to the infirmary.
Pregnant, she thought frantically. How could I be so stupid? Why didn't I think of that before? But the heroines of those silly novels never thought of these things, either, and it was never a problem for them. In any case, she made it to her destination in record time. Luckily for her, there were no patients present to gossip about her later.
"Um, Madam Pomfrey?" Narcissa said with uncharacteristic timidity. The nurse, who was busy making a bed, looked up from her task. "I, um... I need to speak with you."
"Oh, I've seen that look, before," Madam Pomfrey said gravely, shaking her head. "I know just what you're looking for, dear." She walked quickly to a shelf on the wall and took down a jar filled with green-spotted pink jelly. "Lay down," she instructed.
Narcissa climbed onto one of the beds and did as she was told. Madam Pomfrey drew the privacy curtain around the bed.
"Now," said Madam Pomfrey, "please lift up your dress. I realize that's how you got into this in the first place, but believe me, it's necessary."
Narcissa sighed and lifted her dress, staring at the ceiling. The next thing she knew, Madam Pomfrey was rubbing the jelly onto her bare stomach. It was sticky and cold and.... "Ugh! What a horrible smell!"
"Make the best of it, dear. And this will start to burn in a moment."
Madam Pomfrey was right about that. Within seconds, Narcissa felt as though her inside were on fire. She cried out and curled up in a ball; she felt as though her internal organs were being rearranged by little hands. Then, finally, it was over. She gave a sigh of relief and collapsed back on the bed again.
"Try not to do anything strenuous for the next two days," Madam Pomfrey advised, wiping away the stickiness with a damp, sweet-smelling cloth. "If you have any bleeding or excessive cramping during that time, come see me immediately."
"I will. And thank you." Narcissa sat up very slowly and started to leave. Madam Pomfrey stopped her, went back to the shelf and handed her a bottle of syrupy blue liquid.
"Take a sip of this once a week," Pomfrey said, "starting day after tomorrow. It should keep you from having to make any more... unscheduled visits."
Narcissa nodded. "Thank you again." With the bottle in hand, she returned to her dorm. Her friends were waiting up for her.
"How did it go?" Suzanne asked.
"I should be fine," Narcissa replied. "I just need to rest."
- - - - - -
"Narcissa," Belisma Chantal told her daughter, "since you are engaged to be married and you are sixteen years of age, I think it's time I told you what your husband will expect from you. This will be difficult to accept. You may wish to sit down for it." It was summer vacation. They were in Narcissa's room. Narcissa sat down on the white blankets of her canopy bed and looked at her mother expectantly.
Belisma sighed heavily and said, "As a wife, you will have a certain duty to your husband. Do you know how children are conceived?"
Narcissa nodded. "I learned in school."
"Very good. That is the act in question." Belisma walked to Narcissa's picture window overlooking the gardens, looking at the scenery instead of her daughter. "It's a horrible thing," she said quietly, "but men find a good deal of pleasure in it. It's painful and dirty and... you may detest it, but if you wish to please your husband, lie back and accept it. Pretend to enjoy it if you must, but a lady never does."
Narcissa tried to look less baffled than she felt. "Um... yes, Mother. I understand."
"You'll get accustomed to it, though," Belisma continued wearily. "It's simply a matter of effort and time."
"I'll keep that in mind, Mother," Narcissa told her. "Thank you for the warning."
Belisma gave Narcissa a sympathetic look and patted her on the shoulder. Then she left Narcissa alone, closing the door behind her, and Narcissa burst out laughing.
Does she really believe all of that? Narcissa wondered between giggles. She also wondered how her mother would have taken it if she knew the truth: that her not-so-virgin daughter had, on a fairly regular basis, been shagging with Severus Snape in every available place at Hogwarts. And far from just putting up with it, Narcissa liked it quite a bit. In fact, it became progressively better as Severus learned not to take things so quickly when there was no need to rush.
Once her amusement subsided a bit, Narcissa fell into the pile of white satin and lace pillows behind her. Would it be the same with Lucius? Would it be as good? And was she wrong to think of how she would miss Severus once their sweet affair was over? In any case, she knew that Lucius would be visiting her this evening, so she did her best to regain her composure and hoped her little secret wouldn't be written all over her face.
"You won't tell anyone, will you?" Narcissa asked Balthasar lazily.
Balthasar answered with a quiet hoot.
About an hour later, there was a polite knock at Narcissa's door. "Miss Narcissa," came Blinky the house-elf's squeaky voice from the other side, "Mister Lucius Malfoy is here."
"Ill be downstairs," Narcissa answered, sitting up. She stood, stretched, quickly brushed her hair and touched up her makeup. Yes, she looked acceptable. And since her parents had gone out to dinner, her mother wasn't there to tell her otherwise.
Besides, with the amount of cleavage the dress Narcissa was wearing revealed, she doubted that Lucius would care very much one way or the other.
"Nice to see you," Lucius said when Narcissa met him at the bottom of the stairs. For a long moment, yes, his gaze settled right where Narcissa expected it to. "That dress is quite becoming." In his hand was single blood red rose, which he handed to Narcissa.
"Thank you, Lucius," Narcissa said, graciously accepting his compliment and his gift. She sniffed the rose and smiled. "Mm, this smells heavenly. I'll have to put it in a vase."
"That can wait. Why don't we just head to our usual spot in the gardens?" They preferred to meet there as opposed to in more public places since, on private property, there was much less chance of unwanted interruptions from admirers and the press.
Narcissa set the rose on a nearby table, beside a faery statuette. "Yes, that's fine."
Lucius kissed Narcissa's hand and led her outside.
The two of them strolled through the gardens, admiring how the moonlight silvered every flower and tree while the stars winked down at them. They talked about a lot of things: their present together, their future wedding, their now somewhat humorous re-introduction four years ago. Both of them laughed easily and chatted just like friends. Over time, this was indeed what Narcissa and Lucius had become.
"We've come quite a ways, Narcissa," Lucius said suggestively, holding her around the waist from behind as they watched a shooting star. "I must admit that I never imagined being as drawn to you as I am."
Narcissa smiled modestly, placing her hands over his. "I feel the same for you."
Lucius kissed her on the neck, which made Narcissa shiver with pleasure. "And," Lucius continued, positively purring, "while I do believe that... certain indulgences should be saved for our wedding night, I still wish to give you a sample of what we can both look forward to." Keeping one hand on Narcissa's tummy, he used the other to unzip her dress and reach inside it.
"Lucius...." Narcissa whispered. Lucius had slipped his right hand down her panties while squeezing and fondling her breast with the left. "Oh, God, Lucius...!"
Lucius didn't say anything, but she could practically hear him smiling.
Very soon, Narcissa's mind was full of soft, white fuzz, and her knees had turned to water. What's... what's he doing to me? She gave a soft, low moan as a new sensation conquered her. She had never felt anything like this before and wondered if she might be dying. Her heart was beating much too fast; she felt a strange tightness below the waist. Then, just when she couldn't take it any longer, she was shattered, and whatever was possessing her rocked her to the core.
"Oh... oh, Lucius...!"
Narcissa couldn't help it. She had to cry out. And once the wave had finally passed, she lay limp in Lucius' arms, never, ever planning to move.
"I can't wait to have you," Lucius murmured. "I would say there's quite a bit of passion coursing through that tempting body of yours."
"Mm." Narcissa gave a happy little sigh. Severus had never made her feel that! "Lucius... what happened to me?"
"Nothing that won't happen again." Lucius checked his gold watch. "I'd best be going now," he said. "This evening has been... educational." With that and a nip of Narcissa's ear, he simply turned and left. Narcissa promptly dropped to her knees.
How did he do that? Narcissa looked down and experimentally touched herself, searching for that same spot. She gasped when she found she was still tender there. She pulled her dress back up over her shoulders, zipped it and hurried back indoors. She had to return to her bedroom. Now.
- - - - - -
"You mean you've never done that before?" Suzanne was incredulous.
Narcissa shook her head and said, "No. I mean, I never... well... knew about it." She lowered her lashes and added softly, "Not until Lucius taught me this summer."
All the girls' eyes grew very round.
"Not like that," Narcissa clarified hastily. "All he did was touch me, we haven't.... And we won't until our wedding night."
Suzanne shook her head in wonder and said, "What I'd give to have you life." Coming from Suzanne that was saying something.
"Me, too," Daphne put in admiringly. "Someone needs to write a novel about you."
Narcissa laughed and said, "No one would read it anyway. Everything that's happened to me is hardly what I'd call romantic."
Anna shrugged and said, "Who cares? It's a good deal more exciting than anything that's happened to me." She paused, then asked, "What about Severus? What are you going to tell him?"
Borrowing a page from Suzanne's manual, Narcissa said, "I don't need to tell him anything, really. I'll just... help him figure out how to do what Lucius did." She stretched and yawned and turned rather contemplative. "Is it bad to enjoy both of them?" she asked. "I mean, I like them both very much, just in somewhat different ways."
As expected, Suzanne assured her, "You worry too much."
"And speaking of worries," Narcissa went on, "I'm rather concerned for Severus. When I said hello to him when he passed me on the train, he barely even looked at me. He seemed to be somewhere else."
"Must've been a long summer," Marina suggested. "You can always ask him, though."
"I'm afraid that won't work," Narcissa said. "He never tells me anything until he's good and ready, and only of his own accord." She felt that Severus and Lucius had that much in common.
Over the next several weeks, though, Narcissa kept close watch on Severus' behavior. He was definitely troubled. For one thing, he was having difficulty concentrating during Potions. He even turned a relatively simple formula into a useless yellow froth by adding too much lacewing -- something that, normally, he would never do. But, more importantly to Narcissa, the way that Severus touched her had changed.
Their meetings weren't as frequent as they had been the year before. Severus was often "too busy" or "too tired" though he never told her why. Strangely, when they did get together, he seemed almost desperate. The haunted flicker in his eyes made Narcissa wonder if, by making love to her, he was trying to escape something else.
"You're not yourself, Severus," Narcissa told him gently one night. They were in the secret room in the Slytherin Dungeons that Suzanne had mentioned to her many times. It was dark, cluttered and dusty, but it did afford plenty of privacy, and a little Lumos spell provided a nice, romantic light. Narcissa was on Severus' lap, and Severus laid his head on her shoulder while he held her there.
"Of course I am," Severus said. "Who else would I be?" He was toying with Narcissa's hair and breathing in the scent of her strawberry shampoo.
Narcissa rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean. And I'd rather you didn't just tell me not to concern myself."
"Then I won't." Instead, he said nothing at all, just as Narcissa expected from him.
"You'll only let me in so far," Narcissa chided Severus. "Don't you trust me yet? I mean, for pity's sake, Severus, I gave you my virginity, and I trust you not to tell anyone about what we've been doing."
Severus looked into her eyes and told her, his expression strangely sad, "What if I told you that this secret is a matter of life and death? What if, by revealing it to you, I might put lives in danger -- including my own and possibly yours?"
Narcissa blinked. "Well, then...."
"Please. Don't ask me any more, and trust it's for your good."
- - - - - -
It was only three days later that Narcissa heard some tragic news. All of the students were talking about it: Severus Snape's parents were dead, allegedly been slain by Voldemort and an unknown Death Eater. Severus didn't attend class that day. Nor did he show up for meals.
"I'm going to see him," Narcissa announced to her friends during dinner. "I can't let him go through this alone."
"But what if someone sees you?" Marina whispered. "I mean, they might get suspicious."
"I am still his friend, you know. There's no reason to be suspicious of that."
"Good luck, Nar," Anna said sympathetically.
"Thank you." Narcissa abandoned her half-eaten dinner and headed for the sixth year Slytherin boys' dorm, hoping Severus would be there. He was, and he was alone, sitting on his bed and staring into space.
"Severus?"
He slowly turned his head. Narcissa was startled by the empty look in his eyes. She would have thought that he'd died, too.
Narcissa sat next to Severus and put her arm around him. "I heard about your parents," she said. "I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry."
"What's done is done," Severus told her despondently. "No one can bring them back." He closed his eyes and swallowed hard, visibly fighting back his tears.
"Let it go," Narcissa urged him. "You'll feel better if you do."
Severus didn't say anything for along time. Then, with a kind of strained anger, he said, "I don't deserve to mourn them." But was it anger, or was it... guilt?
Suddenly, it dawned on her. Narcissa gasped and asked, "Severus, are you...?" This would explain so much. His change in disposition. His secretiveness. And even why, right now, he couldn't bring himself to cry when Voldemort had killed his parents.
Severus didn't answer her question, at least not directly. Instead, he looked at her, touched her cheek and said, "Can you please help me forget who I am? When I'm with you, at least, the rest of the world disappears for awhile."
Narcissa promised him, "I will."
They made love in the hidden room. They must have been kissing, caressing, holding and losing themselves in each other for well over an hour but, for Narcissa, time had stopped. This time was different from all of the others, and not just because of the gentle instruction she had given Severus in certain matters. There was a new depth and fierceness that hadn't been there before. It wasn't want; it as need. It wasn't desire; it was....
"We're good for each other," Severus told Narcissa softly, holding her in his arms. They were curled up on an old rug and tangled in a sheet that had once covered an old couch.
"We are," Narcissa agreed. She kissed him on the cheek, which made him smile.
"I wouldn't call it love, though," Severus continued. "This is something more dependable, I think, and as such, it's far more real."
Narcissa said with a smile of her own, "I think you may be right."
Chapter Eight: Contemplation
Narcissa wondered if she might have made a mistake. She and Severus were a part of each other, but she knew she couldn't keep him in her life forever. Instead, once this school year was over, she would be Lucius Malfoy's wife. While Lucius had proven himself capable of pleasuring her body, she wondered if he could ever touch her soul the way that Severus had. Had she never been with Severus, she wouldn't have known what she was missing.
Every now and then, Narcissa even caught herself wondering what it might be like to spend her life with Severus. The idea would have seemed laughable to her when she was a child: her, the Miss Narcissa Chantal, contemplating marriage to a man of only one-quarter Wizarding blood. But this particular young man was something far out of the ordinary and, deep down, she had sensed it from the first time Severus called her "an irritating little girl." It took a person of rare nerve to stand up to her like that.
I'm being silly, Narcissa scolded herself. Even if marrying him were an option, could I be truly happy with him?
On a strictly practical level, Narcissa had to wonder. The Malfoy family was, to quote the common masses, "obscenely rich," just like Narcissa's own. But while Severus was probably considered fairly well-off by most standards, he was certainly not capable of giving Narcissa the life she was accustomed to. The only question, really, was a question of the heart. And did the answer to it really matter all that much?
"Narcissa?" It was Anna speaking. They were sitting next to each other on the Hogwarts Express, headed towards their final year of school. "Narcissa?"
"Hm?"
"Are you all right? You seem to be somewhere else."
"Just thinking about the future," Narcissa told her, turning away from the window. "Sorry if I seem distracted."
Anna smiled and said, "I've been doing that, too. I think Darius is going to propose to me this year." Darius being a young man she had been dating for the last year. Come to think of it, nearly all of Narcissa's closest friends -- Anna, Marina and Daphne -- were either engaged or seriously involved with someone. The only exception was Suzanne, who expressed no interest in such things despite her parents' pushing her in that direction since she was sixteen.
"He's a good choice," Narcissa said approvingly. "He comes from a good family."
"Not as good as Lucius, though," Anna said wistfully. "I mean, a Malfoy! The Malfoys are practically royalty."
Daphne laughed and pointed out, "And Narcissa's family aren't?"
"Well, we're all just friends here." Anna gave Narcissa a hug. "It's easy to forget."
Narcissa thought a moment. Then she asked, "Would you like to be my bridesmaids? My parents insist that I give four of those positions to my cousins, but the other four are entirely up to me."
All the girls said, "Aww!" except Suzanne, who only smiled.
"I'll do it," Suzanne joked, "as long as you don't make me wear something hideous."
Narcissa snickered. "We'll, if you'll accept," she said, "you can be my Maid of Honor. And I'll let you pick out whatever you like as long as it matches the color scheme." Turning completely serious, she told her friend, "Hogwarts would not have been the same if you weren't there to give me advice and keep all of us entertained, Suzanne."
Looking far more modest than Narcissa had ever seen her appear, Suzanne said, "Of course I will. I'm flattered that you'd ask me."
The girls discussed Narcissa's wedding all the way to Hogwarts, and they even whispered about it while they watched the Sorting: what kind of dress Narcissa would wear, how she would fix her hair, what kind of food would be served, what the bouquet should look like and creative ways for Suzanne to conveniently avoid catching it. This carried on all the way through dinner and right into the Seventh Year Slytherin girls' dorm.
"And what about you?" Narcissa asked Marina, who had gotten engaged at the end of the previous year. "What do you want for your wedding?"
"Just something small and quiet," Marina said dreamily. "The wedding doesn't matter all that much to me as long as I'm with Jasper, and as long as I get to have a baby right away."
"Babies," Anna sighed. "I just love babies. I hope I have a little girl first."
A baby, Narcissa thought. Yes, she knew that she would be expected to have one right away. In families such as hers and Lucius', the production of properly Pureblood heirs was exceedingly important. Lucius' mother had given birth to him after less than one year of marriage and likely would have had more children if not for an infection that had rendered her infertile. Narcissa's parents, too, had meant to have more children after her, but it had taken them several years just to conceive Narcissa.
"I wonder what it's like?" Narcissa mused. "Being pregnant, I mean."
"Inconvenient, I'd guess," Suzanne said with a laugh. "That's why I don't want children."
Narcissa and the other three girls stared at her as if she had just sprouted a third arm.
"You mean... not ever?" Anna asked, incredulous.
Suzanne shook her head. "No. Not ever. I just don't see the appeal."
Daphne let out a long, low whistle. "Your parents are going to kill you," she said. "They might put up with your saying that you don't want to get married for a little longer, but if you tell them this...."
"Just leave that up to me. I can take care of myself." Suzanne pushed her glasses up on her nose. "Besides," she added, "since my older sister settled down last year, I really don't see why it should matter to them anymore."
- - - - - -
"You're getting married next summer," Severus said as he and Narcissa studied together in the otherwise empty Slytherin Common Room. Unless Narcissa had imagined it, there was a trace of sadness in his voice. His expression didn't tell Narcissa anything one way or the other about what he was feeling.
Narcissa responded, "Yes. I am." She didn't quite look him in the eyes, but instead turned the page in her Potions textbook.
"How do you feel about that?"
"About what? Getting married in general, or getting married to Lucius?"
"Both."
Narcissa sighed and said, "I'm not really certain. I like Lucius quite a bit, and I know that he'll take good care of me. But... I don't know.... I guess there's something missing between us that I might feel for someone else." She gave Severus a meaningful look.
Severus told her quietly, "You don't have to marry him, you know." He placed his hand over hers and gazed into her eyes. "You haven't made the final commitment. Therefore, you still have the freedom to choose."
"Is that a proposal, Severus?"
He didn't say anything for awhile. Then he asked, "Is that what you want it to be?"
"That wasn't the question," Narcissa insisted. "I asked about your intent, not mine. I really can't express an opinion until I know what my options are."
Severus went quiet again. He seemed to be studying her, searching for some sort of clue. Then, finally, he must have found his answer. "I don't think you have any options, Narcissa," Severus concluded. "Even if that was a proposal and even if you did accept, I doubt you'd truly be prepared to make that kind of sacrifice."
"What makes you say that?"
"I can see it in your eyes. You can't fathom leaving behind the life you've grown accustomed to, no matter how much you care for me."
Narcissa gave him a sad little smile. "I think you're right," she admitted. "Sometimes, you read me much too well."
Severus looked away. "I guess this is the end for us, then," he said. "The sooner we go our separate ways, the easier it will be."
"Severus...."
"I mean that, Narcissa. It's over now."
"Can we be friends, at least?"
"We'll see how it works out. But I do think we can at least finish this lesson."
As they continued with their studies, Narcissa could feel the invisible wall Severus had set up between them: this far, but no further. No more kisses. No more caresses. No more clandestine lovemaking. All of that was past tense now, no matter how Narcissa wished it could have gone on forever.
"Good bye, Narcissa," Severus said once their study session was over. He picked up his books as if nothing had happened.
"Good bye, Severus," Narcissa responded. She wasn't quite as good at retaining her composure as Severus was, and she heard her own voice waver. Severus glanced back as though he wanted to say something to her, but he thought the better of it and simply left the Common Room.
After allowing sufficient time for Severus to get out of sight and hearing, Narcissa ran out of the Common Room and back to the girls' dorm. Once there, she dropped her books on the floor, flung herself onto her bed and cried. Right then, it felt as though her world was coming to an end.
But once a month or so had passed, Narcissa realized that Severus was right. It was for the best that they had broken off their affair well in advance of Narcissa's wedding instead of trying to hold on to it as long as possible. This way, she had plenty of time to get used to the idea of not having him in her life, at least not as a lover. She also had time to adjust more fully to the thought of a nice, long future with Lucius.
Life in Malfoy Manor should be pleasant, Narcissa mused during Potions class. It's even bigger than my parents' estate, so that shouldn't be a difficult adjustment... except for being near his father far too much of the time.
Without a doubt, Lucius' father was a problem. He didn't leer at Narcissa quite as much as he used to (perhaps she had gotten too old for his tastes), but he did still do it sometimes, and this made her very uncomfortable. And what if she and Lucius had a little girl? Narcissa, Lucius and the servants would likely have to keep constant vigil to make sure Montgomery stayed away from the child.
Yes, this man was quite a problem. Narcissa made a mental note to write to Lucius regarding her worries as soon as possible. In fact, while Professor Parrish wasn't looking, she scribbled down the following message:
Dearest Lucius,
I'm concerned about our future. It's nothing to do with us, exactly, but it is about your father. You know how he's been after me since I was twelve years old and, honestly, I loathe him. I could never be comfortable sharing a home with him. More than that, we might have a daughter someday. Do you think he could be trusted near a young girl?
Yours,
Narcissa Chantal.
"What are you writing?" Anna whispered. They were partnered for a project that day.
"It's personal," Narcissa whispered back. "It's only for Lucius to see."
Anna grinned knowingly. "I understand."
Professor Parrish looked up from the papers she was grading and snapped, "Miss Chantal! Miss Sharon! Get back to your work!"
"Yes, Professor," the girls said in unison. Narcissa carefully tucked the note in the back of he textbook.
Before Narcissa went to lunch, she sent Balthasar out with the letter she had written. "Try to hurry, please," she told him. Balthasar nodded once and flew off.
Five days later, Balthasar delivered a message from Lucius to Narcissa. It read:
Dearest Narcissa,
I understand and share your concerns. But the poor man recently took ill, and it doesn't look as though he'll even live to see our wedding. Such a shame.
Yours,
Lucius Malfoy.
Narcissa did her best not to smile, but she couldn't help herself. Her prayers had just been answered since Montgomery would soon be dead.
"Good news?" Suzanne guessed.
"Mm-hm," Narcissa said blissfully. "My future with Lucius has just become significantly brighter." Strange thing about the timing, though. In the back of her mind, she had to wonder if it was really just coincidence... not that it mattered all that much. For the good of everyone involved, Narcissa decided never to question Lucius about his father's presently impending death.
But it didn't end there. The closer it came to the wedding date, the more attention Lucius paid to her. Letters, gifts, jewelry.... He was positively wooing her! If this was what Lucius did while Narcissa was still in school, she couldn't wait to see how he would treat her once they met in person again.
- - - - - -
"Narcissa," Belisma reprimanded her daughter during supper, "please don't eat so much. Those wedding gowns we'll be looking at tomorrow won't be nearly as lovely on a fat bride." It was Narcissa's first day home on her final spring vacation. So far, Narcissa had eaten a salad, half of her beef Wellington, and most of her vegetables. Her reed-thin mother had eaten only the salad and sipped at a goblet of water.
"Yes, Mother," Narcissa said with a sigh. "I'll try to be more careful." She pushed the rest of her meal aside. Narcissa had an awful feeling that for the rest of her break, she would be eating only fruit, watercress sandwiches and green salads. Her menu during summer leading up to the wedding would likely be the same.
On the bright side, though, Lucius came to see her the very next day before she left to look at wedding gowns. Her friends and cousins would also be meeting her at the shop to choose and get fitted for bridesmaids' dresses.
"The day draws near," Lucius said. He was standing in the foyer with a dozen red roses and a long velvet box. "I hope you'll wear this when that day arrives."
Narcissa opened up the box. "Goodness," she whispered. In it was an exquisite diamond choker. She guessed that the settings were platinum, and there must have been at least two hundred flawless diamonds in it not including the large blue oval in the middle.
"The blue one matches your eyes," Lucius said. "I had to have it special ordered."
"I'd say it was worth it. Thank you, and yes, of course I'll wear it." Narcissa looked down at the choker again. "I just hope I can find a dress that's worthy of something this beautiful."
Lucius kissed her on the cheek and handed her the roses as well. "Until next time," he said.
"Yes. Next time."
Lucius left.
"Another gift?" Belisma inquired, peering over her daughter's shoulder. She must have heard them talking. Narcissa hadn't even heard her come down the stairs.
Narcissa smiled. "Yes," she said. "Isn't it dazzling?"
"It's extraordinary," Belisma agreed. "Why, I don't even think your father ever gave me something this nice." She stood in front of her daughter and trapped Narcissa's hands between her own, locking gazes with her. Narcissa blinked.
"Lucius will make very good husband, Narcissa," Belisma said in earnest. "I only hope that you'll make a good wife."
Narcissa opted against asking what she meant by that. This day had the potential of being quite bit of fun, and she didn't want to give her mother the chance to dampen her spirits. "I will, Mother," Narcissa told her with conviction. "I'll be the best wife that I possibly can." And somewhat to her own surprise, she meant every word.
Chapter Nine: Here Comes the Bride
"I'm a bit nervous," Narcissa admitted, standing in front of her full-length mirror. She was her bedroom with her eight bridesmaids. The wedding was being held downstairs, right in the Chantals' living room. Accommodating all of the guests was no problem since this particular room as about the size of the Great Hall at Hogwarts. "I can't believe I'm getting married."
"You'll be fine," Suzanne assured her, putting one last pin in Narcissa's hair. "You've been planning this forever, right?" She helped Narcissa put on the choker that Lucius had given her -- the final touch in the bridal ensemble. "Turn around," she said. "Let us get a look at you."
Narcissa smiled shyly and turned to face the party. Everyone -- including her four older cousins who she barely even knew -- stared and gasped in awe.
"You look so beautiful," Anna whispered. "I think I'm going to cry."
"Thank you," Narcissa said, and she knew her friend was right.
Narcissa had chosen a simple off-the-shoulder gown in pure white satin. Over it, she wore a white dress cloak of satin and shimmering, iridescent taffeta like white ice. Her golden hair was upswept with a white orchid pinned over her right ear; a few long tendrils, softly curled, trailed over her bare shoulders. Elbow-length white gloves and clear glass slippers completed the look along with that stunning diamond choker around her throat. No one, least of all Narcissa, could deny that she made a magnificent bride.
Marina looked at the clock on the wall. "We'd best get going," she said. "It's almost time for us to take our places." She gave Narcissa a quick hug and headed out the door. She was closely followed by the other seven girls, leaving Narcissa all alone.
Deep breaths. Just take deep breaths. Narcissa tried to calm herself in spite of knowing that this day would determine the course of the rest of her life. She paced around the room, sat down on her bed, checked on Balthasar (who was watching her with marked curiosity), paced a bit more, sat down again, tucked a hair back into place....
"Princess," Narcissa's father Cadmus called her through the door, "it's time."
"I'll be right out, Father." Narcissa straightened her gown. Then, she picked up her bouquet of white orchids from the dresser. "Wish me luck," she told Balthasar and finally stepped out the door, her cloak and gown swirling about her. She could hear the two Veelas her parents had hired playing their harps downstairs.
Cadmus shook his head in wonder when he saw his daughter. "My little girl," he said with a sad smile. "You've grown up much too fast." He offered Narcissa his arm. Narcissa slipped her hand over the crook of it.
"Here goes," Narcissa said. She let her father lead her down the stairs. All her friends, the guests and the rest of the wedding party were waiting there, including Blinky the House Elf, who had been placed in charge of the wedding rings. Narcissa took her ring from Blinky as she passed the Elf.
"Miss Narcissa looks so beautiful," Blinky sniffed, her dark eyes wide and shining. Then she burst into tears and ran away. No one paid that much attention, least of all Narcissa's family. They were well aware that Blinky could be a bit emotional.
The wedding scene was just as grand as anyone could have anticipated. Lavish decorations -- flowered garlands, elegant topiaries, and more -- were everywhere, including quite a few that hovered in the air. The ceiling had been enchanted to look like a moonless nighttime sky, but there was still plenty of light for everyone to see by. The dark backdrop gave the floating white orchids, crystal spheres and lit blue tapers a dramatic glow. But as Narcissa took her place, all she saw was Lucius.
Narcissa had never seen Lucius looking as handsome as he did today. It wasn't just the regal black dress cloak he wore or how nice his hair looked tied back in a ponytail. It was something in the way he looked at her, something unusual in his expression that Narcissa had never seen before. With barely more than a glance, Lucius made Narcissa feel like the most desirable woman in the world.
"I can't wait to get you alone," Lucius murmured as the Cornelius Fudge, the Minister of Magic and mutual friend of both families, recited some opening words for the ceremony.
"I look forward to it, too," Narcissa whispered back.
A few minutes later, Lucius whispered, "Fudge is quite talkative, isn't he? How long do you think this will take?"
Narcissa swallowed a giggle.
"Lucius Malfoy," Fudge finally said, "do you take this woman to be your wife?"
"I do," Lucius said. Narcissa's heart skipped a beat.
"Narcissa Chantal," Fudge said, turning his attention to her, "do you take this man to be your husband?"
"I do," Narcissa said softly.
Then, Fudge said the words that would bind the two indefinitely. He told the couple, "I now pronounce you husband and wife. Exchange rings now, and Lucius, you may kiss your bride."
Lucius and Narcissa placed their rings on each other's fingers. Lucius caressed Narcissa's cheek. Then, Narcissa melted into her new husband's arms as he held her close and kissed her. As soon as their lips touched, the orchids floating in the air settled gently to the ground like perfumed snow.
No sooner did the two break apart than they were surrounded by well-wishers, not the least of whom were Narcissa's friends from school.
"What a wonderful ceremony!" Anna sighed dreamily. "I hope my wedding is even half as nice." As she had predicted, Darius had proposed to her on her last day of school. He was about five years her senior and working for the Ministry, and he had made a special trip that day just to meet her at King's Cross Station when she stepped off the train.
"Congratulations," Marina said, giving Narcissa a hug.
"It was so perfect," Daphne breathed.
"And now that it's over," Suzanne said with a wry little smile, "I guess it's time to say good bye."
Narcissa, Anna, Daphne and Marina blinked at her.
"I'm leaving home after today," Suzanne told them. "Don't worry; I'll keep in touch with you. I was only staying with my parents long enough to make sure I could be a part of this."
"Well, good luck," Narcissa said awkwardly. What else could she say?
"Narcissa! Lucius!"
Narcissa and Lucius both turned around. It was Desireé, Lucius' mother.
Desireé kissed the air to either side of Narcissa's cheeks. "Congratulations, darling," she said. "I'm sure that you and Lucius will be very happy." Her smile broadened. "And as my gift to you," she added, "I will be moving out of the manor."
Lucius and Narcissa exchanged surprised glances.
"You don't have to do that, Mother," Lucius said. "You're quite welcome to stay with us."
Desireé shook her head, her expression downright blissful. "No, dear, since your father's death two months ago, there's really nothing keeping me there, and I've long wished to travel. Malfoy Manor is yours now -- yours and your lovely bride's."
"Thank you... Mother," Narcissa said. It felt kind of odd, but nice, calling her that for the first time. "I'm overwhelmed."
Desireé looked to her left. "Oh, there's Mrs. Sharon. I must talk to her." With a quick good bye, she strode away.
"Does she miss him at all?" Narcissa asked Lucius. "Your father, I mean."
"Not that I've noticed," Lucius answered with a careless shrug. "Frankly, I think she rather looked forward to being rid of him."
And, of course, Narcissa's mother and father congratulated the couple as well. Cadmus hugged his daughter, shook Lucius' hand and gave him the good-spirited warning, "You'd best take care of my little girl."
"I will," Lucius promised.
"Narcissa," Belisma said discreetly, "don't forget the advice you before."
Narcissa said, "I won't." But just because she wouldn't forget it didn't mean she would have any use for it.
- - - - - -
"This is our home now," Lucius announced. "I hope you will make yourself comfortable." He was carrying Narcissa into the master bedroom at Malfoy Manor. Once he was standing over the bed, he carefully set her down on it. It was quite a magnificent bed, too, very large with lush blue velvet blankets and pillows trimmed in gold embroidery. Above the bed was a dark blue velvet canopy.
"It's marvelous," Narcissa said, "although I must admit that I feel rather strange being in your parents' old bedroom."
"Not to worry," Lucius assured her. "Mother burned the old bed and bought a new one after my father died. This bed has never been... 'christened,' so to speak, and these sheets and blankets are brand new."
Narcissa raised an eyebrow. "Wait. She burned it?"
"Yes." Lucius laughed and added, "My mother never has been a very sentimental woman. She said the last worthwhile thing to happen in that old bed was my conception over thirty years ago."
"I think you take after her," Narcissa observed, studying her new husband's face. "Not only do you look just like her, but your disposition reminds me of hers."
"I take that as a compliment." Lucius sat down next to Narcissa and kissed her on the temple, squeezing her thigh at the same time. "I'd like to take a good look at my bride," he whispered in her ear. "Would you care to oblige me?"
"Look at....? Oh." Narcissa blushed and grinned sheepishly at her own momentary naiveté. Yes, she knew exactly what he meant. "Yes," she replied, "I certainly will." Slowly, Narcissa rose from the bed and looked right into Lucius' eyes. At the moment, they revealed little more than simple anticipation.
"Go on," Lucius urged her. He leaned back on his hands.
Narcissa dropped her cloak on the floor, reached back, grasped the air and frowned. "You'll need to help me with this dress," she said. She turned her back to Lucius and glanced back coyly over her shoulder.
Lucius smiled and stood up. Then, very, very slowly, he unzipped Narcissa's gown. "You're teasing me," he accused Narcissa playfully when he was done. Even though the dress was quite ready to fall, his bride still held it up over her strapless white lace bra.
"I'm shy," Narcissa told him, pouting very cutely. But she did let go of the dress, which fell in a puddle of white satin at her feet. Still playing the part of the blushing virgin, she timidly turned around and faced Lucius. He seemed pleased by what he saw. And when Lucius unfastened her bra with one hand, Narcissa had to admit she was a bit impressed.
"Lovely," was Lucius' appraisal of Narcissa's half-nude form. "Absolutely lovely."
"Thank you," Narcissa said modestly. She took off Lucius' cloak and untied the black silk ribbon that restrained his hair. His pale locks tumbled over his shoulders and about his face. Then, she went to work on his jacket, his shirt, his pants.... Lucius offered no resistance whatsoever and, in fact, seemed relatively eager to show off his wares. Once he was standing naked before her, Narcissa couldn't blame him.
Physically, Lucius was perfect. Narcissa had no other way to describe him. His skin, his form, his confident stance.... Just to look at him, there wasn't a single flaw to be found. No, wait, there was a birthmark on his upper left thigh, a brownish mark shaped like a crescent. Narcissa found it kind of endearing and traced it with her fingers.
"You're beautiful," Narcissa told Lucius, "like a work of art."
Lucius only smiled and said, "Some artworks were made to be touched."
Narcissa laughed and said, "Of course." She ran his hands slowly over his body: his shoulders, his chest, his waist, his hips. While she was doing this, Lucius was busy unpinning her hair. The first thing he did was take out the orchid and set it on the nightstand. But he paused and gave a soft little gasp when Narcissa turned her attentions to more sensitive territory.
"You have good hands," Lucius observed. "Are you certain you've never done this before?"
"Of course I haven't," Narcissa told him easily. "Don't be silly."
Lucius seemed a bit suspicious, but he didn't press the issue. Instead of questioning Narcissa further, he simply slipped Narcissa's white lace panties over her matching stockings and garters. Narcissa daintily stepped out of them as well as her shoes. The garter belt and stockings were the next to go.
Narcissa considered herself fortunate that Lucius' appetite for sex outweighed his apparent expectation of a virgin bride. She also considered herself fortunate that Lucius was quite a sensual man. He loved touching and being touched, at least in this particular context. From what she had seen of him in any other setting, anyone who laid a hand on him without his expressed permission would likely not be getting it back.
But here, he invited exploration. Here, he liked to play. He also enjoyed giving pleasure at least much as he did taking it, as evidenced by the way Lucius smiled whenever he made Narcissa moan.
"I have a lot to teach you," Lucius said. "I'm happy you're so willing to learn."
"Mm... uh-huh..." was all Narcissa could say. Anything of hers that resembled a vocabulary had been dissolved right into ether by Lucius' surprisingly talented fingers and tongue. How many lovers had he had before marrying her, anyway? They had never really talked about it. But for Lucius to know her body this well with her having to say so little, there must have been at least a few. Not that it bothered her much, of course, but she had to wonder.
"Um, Lu... Lucius," Narcissa whispered shakily, "I didn't want you to stop."
"It's better this way," Lucius assured her. "Try to trust me, won't you?"
"Oh. Okay."
He kept on playing with her until she couldn't take it any more.
When Lucius finally entered her, Narcissa needed it at least as much as Lucius did. If he had kept teasing her, she swore she would have screamed. As it was, she screamed anyway, but at least it wasn't from frustration. Instead, she was calling Lucius' name as pleasure racked her, body and soul.
"Lucius," Narcissa said breathlessly when they finally uncoupled. Truthfully, that said it all.
Lucius stretched lazily and lay back on the pillows, letting Narcissa snuggle against his chest. "Who was he?" he asked casually.
"Who was...?"
"The one who took my prize," Lucius said. His voice was completely devoid of emotion, save for idle curiosity, but Narcissa knew him well enough to see through that. She also knew him well enough to think the better of lying again, at least to an extent.
"No one important," Narcissa told him. "Just a mistake I made during school. Honestly, I'd be hard-pressed to even remember his name."
"Hmph."
"Are you angry?"
"Not at you." Lucius rubbed Narcissa's back. "I suppose it isn't that important," he told her after awhile. "You are mine now, after all."
"Yes, completely," Narcissa agreed. "There will never be anyone else."
Lucius smiled a little and told her, "I needed to hear that from you."
Narcissa didn't ask him why. But nonetheless, she knew those words -- "I need" -- were relatively foreign to this man, and she was flattered that Lucius trusted her enough to say them in her presence.
Lucius was the first to fall asleep that night. Narcissa lay awake beside him, watching his face and smoothing his hair.
He looks like a little boy, Narcissa thought affectionately. With effort, she pushed away the question of what Severus might have looked like lying in her husband's place. I could learn to love him in time.
Narcissa didn't realize then just how close she was to the truth in making both assessments.
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