"EEP!" Nuriko squeaked and launched himself out of the way of two very
sharp pheasant feathers. With an adorable scowl plastered to his face, he
picked up a nearby dumpster and threw it at his assailant. The brightly
dressed figure in front of him vanished. Damn Seiryu Seishi! Nuriko
mentally swore, his braid swinging as he looked around for his opponent.
"Who would have thought I'd run into one of Suzaku's Seishi here?" A
slightly creepy voice purred from apparently nowhere.
"I was thinking the same thing." Nuriko scowled, trying to pinpoint the
voice. "Now would you mind bugging off? I don't have time to fight, I'm
supposed to meet a friend here!"
"Well, you have bad taste in meeting places. I'm also here to meet a..."
"Nuri-chan!" A cheerful tenor voice breaks in on the argument. Nuriko
turns to see a tall albino man in black leather pants and a metallic blue
fishnet shirt waving at him.
"Arashi!" Nuriko smiled, relieved as his friend walked up. "Alright you
Seiryu creep, now you're going to get it!"
"Seiryu?" Arashi blinked.
"Arashi?" The disembodied voice asked in disbelief.
"Ah, Tomo!" Arashi grinned broadly, looking around for the source of the
voice. "You are here!"
"Of course, I wouldn't be late." A tall man in full kabuki costume
seemingly appears out of the wall of a nearby theater.
"N..nani?" Nuriko blinked, then turned to Arashi. "You invited him?"
"Of course!" Arashi smiled, patting Nuriko on the head. "Who better to
see a fic with than my favorite Suzaku and Seiryu Seishi?"
"Why from both sides?" Tomo tilted his head to one side, the feathers in
his headdress trailing the movement.
"Because I'm supposed to be completely neutral silly!" The albino laughed.
"Inviting Seishi from only one party would be taking sides. Now, have
both of you read the character descriptions and plot summaries I gave you?"
"Aa." The two rival Seishi nodded.
"Good, come on!" Arashi grabbed them both by an arm and dragged them into
the theater. Nuriko cast a dubious look at Tomo.
"Ever get the feeling we're in trouble?"
"Actually...yes."
***
"Sit, sit!" Arashi giggled, practically pushing the other two bishonen
into two seats that happened to be right next to each other.
"You expect us to get through this whole thing without fighting?" Tomo
arched one elegantly painted eyebrow.
"No kidding! I don't want to sit next to him!" Nuriko crossed his arms
over his chest.
"Well, I want to be able to sit by you both!" Arashi sighed. After
examining the two for a moment, he grinned. "I know how to keep you from
fighting!" Still grinning like a maniac, he plopped himself down in Tomo's
lap and made himself comfy.
"Oi!" Nuriko protested loudly. "Why does he get to have you sit in his
lap?"
"Two reasons." Arashi held up a finger. "First reason: you're in love
with Hotohori, you don't need to be flirting with me. And second," Another
finger joined the first. "I can't way much more than a hundred fifty
pounds, if that. I'd go flying if you so much as sneezed."
"Alright, alright." Nuriko sighed and leaned back in his chair,
straightening his skirt as he did so. "What are we watching anyway?"
"Mm, silly Gundam Wing fic."
"Why didn't you invite Gundam Wing characters to view it with you then?"
Tomo asked, trying to shift the weight in his lap to a more comfortable
position.
"Why would they want to see it?" Arashi rolled his eyes. "They'd
probably spend the entire fic. complaining how ooc they are! That and there
are so many to choose from! Besides, I was invented as a Fushigi Yugi
character, I figure I might as well invite you guys."
"I suppose that makes sense..." The theater started to go dark.
"Ooh! The fic's starting!"
From: "J. Wakabayashi"
Arashi- WE LOVE YOU WAKABAYASHI-SAMA!!!!!
Warnings: Major OOC, weird, some lingerie shots, & cartoonish violence
Hmmm, I wonder if this is worth pursuing.
Tomo- Oh that's confidence.
Arashi- ::smacks him:: Be nice!
As for why Wu-baby is pissed at Dorothy, it's because he went through 3
fics worth of torture due to her shenanigans.
Nuriko- Are you sure we shouldn't see those first?
But it's not necessary to read them to understand this fic, just chalk it
up to really bad chemistry.
Nuriko- Oh, never mind...
Dr. J. may make a guest appearance but not as someone who likes Dorothy.
Now, I should go back to work on actually finishing what's on my plate.
-_-;;
And thanks for your comments on the TQ/QT story.
Nuriko- You're welcome!
Tomo- What story?
Arashi- One you didn't read and so don't need to worry about, obviously.
Tomo- Aa.
The couple is hard as heck to write. Also, I could never figure out
exactly how Treize & Dorothy are related, so I made them cousins.
Nuriko- ::thinks about that:: From the pictures in the character
descriptions that makes sense...
Everybody Loves Dorothy
Nuriko- Oh my god, it's the Miaka of Gundam!
Arashi- Not quite...she doesn't eat enough and...well...just read the fic,
okay?
Tomo- Does she have a cute boyfriend I can torment?
Arashi- ::sweat drop:: No.
Tomo- Too bad.
Nuriko- Pervert.
Wufei thought, I will get back at that onna for causing me so much trouble,
but I can't fight her.
Arashi- [Wu] Because I am a weakling who won't fight people he can't beat!
Nuriko- [Wu] Because I'm not only weak, I'm dinky! [as himself] I mean
hell, I'm taller than him!
But it would be a grave injustice if I let things stand as they are.
Tomo- So I must make them sit down.
So he sat down and rubbed his little lamp.
Tomo- So that's what they call them in this series...
Arashi- Either that or 'little dragon'. ::snicker::
He kept rubbing and rubbing until smoke came out
Tomo- Hmmm, never had that happen before...
Nuriko- CALL MITSUKAKE! THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS GUY!
and the genie Nataku stood before him. She was the same size
Nuriko- ::eyes bulge:: I didn't think that was possible for a woman!
Arashi- Don't worry, she must really be a cross dresser like you...
and apparent age as Wu-chan, with black hair and eyes and very cute or would
be if she didn't somehow look profoundly insulted.
Tomo- [Nataku] How dare you compare me to this underdeveloped wuss? We may
be the same size, but I'm much more skilled than he is!
"As owner of this lamp, I demand that Dorothy suddenly finds herself
irresistible to all who sees her."
Nuriko- [Nataku] No problem, I'll dunk her in high quality chocolate.
"Isn't that already the case?"
Arashi- No.
"Onna!"
Tomo- ::mildly:: I thought her name was Nataku.
Nuriko- I thought she was a cross dressing guy...
Arashi- Either way, Wu's a wuss!
* * *
Dorothy smiled as her guests came in. Her dear cousin Treize, Zechs, Heero,
Quatre, Trowa, Relena and Noin were here to talk about "peace." Of course,
these talks will fail once Treize-sama realizes what a nitwit Relena is, she
thought. Perhaps I could squeeze in a fencing duel with Heero or perhaps I
should terrorize Quatre instead. He's more likely to scream or make some
sort of noise. Then her eyes alighted on Zechs. Hmm, I wonder what he'd
sound like if someone was paddling that fine...
Nuriko- Fine what?
Arashi- Butt.
Tomo- But what?
Arashi & Nuriko- ::groan::
"Dorothy, you look especially radiant today," said Treize.
Arashi- [Dorothy] Thanks, I just finished my plans to blow up Relena's teddy
bear collection!
Dorothy did a small curtsey. "Thank you, Treize-sama. I've been doing
yoga recently as well as continuing my fencing lessons" And she was
dressed in her best, wearing a sleeveless, electric blue dress that was
form-fitting and ended just above her knees. She was also wearing black
boots with spike heels that she handled with ease.
Nuriko- Gods, does she have no decency?
Tomo- No kidding, Soi wears more!
Arashi- Er, different culture...
She felt the eyes of her guests upon her, but didn't think much about it.
Suddenly, Relena walked up to Dorothy and said, "DOOOO ROOO THYYYYY!"
Nuriko- [Relena] Put some CLOOOOOOOOTHES on!
Dorothy narrowed her already narrow eyes. That's the intonation she uses
to say Heero's name, why is she using it to say mine? "Yes, Relena-sama.
And by the way, I have not lost any of my hearing!"
Tomo- Only my fashion sense.
Arashi- ::sigh:: Maybe this wasn't such a good idea...
"After the talks, we must spend some quality time together," Relena said,
her eyes starting to get that weird glow, usually associated with unusual
fluorescent fungus found in the middle of caves, infested with bats.
Nuriko- ::plastering himself to the seat:: KOWAII!
Tomo- So? I could do that too? ::his eyes start glowing::
Arashi- ::smacks him:: Stop that! You have magic powers, she doesn't!
Tomo- ::blinks:: She doesn't? ::looks back at the screen and tries to hide
behind Arashi::
"There's so much we have to discuss. I'm sure I could convince you to take
me ...er my side."
Tomo- ::smirks and looks at Nuriko:: Now she reminds me of Miaka...
Nuriko- ::glare::
Arashi- ::thinks about it:: Almost…but she doesn’t eat NEAR enough!
Nuriko- ::looks like he wants to defend his miko…but he can’t::
A tension knot appeared on Dorothy's forehead and her eyebrows stiffened
like antennae. I sense evil afoot.
But before she could say anything, Heero said, "Relena, omae o korosu."
Arashi- Yeah, yeah, where have we heard this before?
Dorothy couldn't help but smile. Everything's going to hell just as I
thought, then she frowned. But why is Relena hitting on me?
"Heero, just leave me alone," said Relena, her eyes giving off that love
glow which Dorothy was finding increasingly creepy.
{Nuriko and Tomo both try to hide behind Arashi...}
"Go, shoo! Go dive off another cliff."
Heero's facial expression was the very image of shock.
Arashi- My god! It's an expression!
* * *
Nataku turned to Wufei and said, "Are you sure you want your boyfriend
Treize to be affected by this?"
Wufei nearly had a stroke. "HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND!!!" he screamed.
Arashi- He dumped me when he found out I was underage!
Nataku looks at her stack of 13X5 djs and thinks, "Oh, damn."
* * *
"Zechs-sama, please do something about your sister."
Tomo- [Dorothy] Like shoot her.
Zechs stood up, stood between his sister and Dorothy, and said, "Relena,
please stop harassing Dorothy. It's obvious that I am the better match for
her."
Nuriko- ::starry eyes:: Oh he's pretty! And he sound's almost like
Hotohori-sama! (1)
Tomo- ::tries not to drool over the long, blonde hair and nice figure.::
Arashi- ::snicker:: I know something you don't!
"ONIISAMA!" she said, glaring at her brother. "Move or I'll tell Heero to
kill you!"
"Please don't fight," said Quatre. Then in a scary voice, he said, "Just
give her to me . . ." Then he laughed like the little maniac he sometimes
was.
Trowa then said, "Dorothy mine."
Arashi- [Trowa] Me Trowa, her Dorothy...
THUNK, THUNK, THUNK.
"What is that noise?" said Wufei.
"Oh, that's all the 4X3 and 3X4 fans hitting their heads on the wall," said
Nataku.
Arashi- [WuFei] ::thinks about it:: Oh yeah, I should be doing that
too...THUNK, THUNK, THUNK...
Treize stands up, walks up to Zechs and says, "First Noin, Heero, now my
own cousin. You are a serious slut."
Tomo- [Treize] But I'll forgive you if you'll promise to be my love toy for
the rest of the war.
"Me? ME THE SLUT!!! What about all the time you've screamed out in your
sleep, 'Oh, Wu-baby, Wu-baby, do it again!!! Stick the big one right there!"
Nuriko- ::hauls out a bunch of stickers and starts flipping through them::
Which one was the big one again?
Arashi- :: pulls out one that reads 'Hit me, whip me, make me bleed, kinky
sex is all I need':: That one.
Nuriko- Aa.
* * *
Wufei's faces begins to twitch. When he sees Nataku raise an eyebrow, Wufei
screams, "Lies, all LIES!!!"
Nataku goes back to reading a 13X5 dj, turns to a page and says, "But you
make such a lovely bride."
Arashi- Why, I remember how you looked on our wedding day!
Tomo- [Wu] Why, Natak, I thought you were too pissed I called you 'scholar
boy' to notice.
Nuriko- Yeesh, and people call ME a pervert!
"Gimme that!"
Nuriko- [Natak] ::giggle:: Gladly, come and get it!
* * *
"Sadly, it's happened only in dreams. He doesn't come back to kill me no
matter how much I yell for him to," wailed Treize.
Arashi- Treize meet's Relena! [Treize]
WUUUUUUUUUUUUUUFEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIII!!! Come and
KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Teenage boys never keep their word."
Nuriko- ::sniff:: Good thing I'm a lady, or I'd have to be offended.
Arashi- ::sigh::
Zechs tossed his hair. "Whatever. Your sex life is no longer any of my
business. Come, Dorothy! Lets show the world what happens when two blondes
strut their stuff!"
"Oniisama, Dorothy is mine!! We've got sooooo much chemistry
Arashi- [Relena] I can't believe the professor gave us so much homework this
close to finals!
and we're the most popular yuri couple in GW," Relena howls.
Nuriko- O.o WHY?
Arashi- So the yaoi writers can get Relena away from Heero without torturing
anyone they actually like.
Nuriko- Ah...
Noin runs up to Relena and slaps her, saying, "Oh, Relena, how could you
dump me for ant-girl!"
"ANT GIRL!" Dorothy yells.
"How dare you insult my true love!"
Arashi- How dare you insult ANTS?!?!?!
says Relena as she pulls out an old fashioned six-shooter and proceeds to
try to kill Noin. However, all the bullets miss Noin.
"That nearly killed me!" yells Heero regarding the poorly aimed bullets.
Relena ignored him.
Tomo- No it didn't. You could have taken all six bullets to the head and
walked away...
Nuriko & Arashi- ::nod::
"Noin? You and my sister?" said Zechs, turning a little chalky.
Noin sniffed, "A girl has to keep her options open. I've got needs, too."
Noin and Relena? thought Dorothy. But then her thoughts were interrupted by
Quatre running up and saying, "Dorothy, so gentle and fragile . . ."
Nuriko- Just like Ashitare on steroids...
His uchuu no kokoro must be in the off position, she thought.
Trowa and Heero throw each other a glance of understanding and throw
themselves between Dorothy and Quatre.
Arashi- While you're throwing things, why don't you just throw Relena out a
window?
"Move aside. I do not want to hurt friends," says Quatre. "I ... Wait,
she's getting away."
Must get to my lovely machine gun collection, thought Dorothy as she tried
to run up the stairs but Trowa jumped and managed to block her way. So,
Dorothy did what a woman of her venom would do. She hit him in the nuts.
{All three audience members wince}
In chorus: Ouch...
As Trowa tumbled magnificently down the stairs while holding his poor
crotch,
Tomo- Pity this isn't real...I wouldn't mind helping him feel better...
Nuriko- Hentai.
she grabbed a fencing sword from the wall and turned to face Heero Yuy.
Heero Yuy smiled and pulled a fencing sword from his spandex space.
{All three audience members boggle}
Dorothy's eyebrows twitched. "Just how big is your spandex space that you
can hide a sword up there?"
"Do you really want to know?"
In chorus: No!
Nuriko- Although I wouldn't mind knowing what else he could get in
there...
Tomo- Now who's the hentai?
They started to fence magnificently. The ferocity of their fight was
unparalleled in the history of fencing. Dorothy's sword work, propelled by
adrenaline and her adamant refusal to be anyone's uke, made short work of
Heero's Sanc uniform clothes and even shredded that infamous green shirt of
his, leaving him wearing only his spandex shorts.
Nuriko & Tomo- ::droooool::
Heero's sword work, now that he couldn't use it to kill her, was equally as
impressive, leaving her only wearing a black teddy and stockings held up by
a garter belt. Zechs' nose began to bleed severely, but who was responsible
for it was rather hard to tell.
Dorothy kicked Heero in the crotch, but he simply laughed that weird evil
laugh. What the hell, she thought, Is he human?
In chorus: NO!!!!!!!
Suddenly before he could pounce on her, a hail of gunfire from above caused
Heero to jump down the stairs away from Dorothy. Dorothy turns to see her
savior Noin sliding down the banister, using a machine gun, her hair in
disarray and shirt half open. It was apparent from the visible cleavage she
wasn't wearing a bra.
"Come on, Dorothy, aren't I man enough for you?"
Nuriko- ::grumble:: Man, I wish the others could see this! Maybe then
they'd stop teasing me about my gender bending!
says Noin, delightfully butch as she hops off the banister, and wraps one
arm around Dorothy's shoulder possessively. .
I must regain control of this situation, thought Dorothy. She ran down the
stairs, jumped up on a table and yelled, "Do not worry! You can all be my
slaves!! Now kneel at my feet!"
There was a stunned silence.
Tomo- Then suddenly the spell wore off and everyone realized what they were
doing...
Nuriko- And demanded that Dorothy put more clothes on immediately!
* * *
Nataku was thoroughly enjoying herself as evidenced by the fact that she
was chortling. Wufei scowled, however, and said, "She hasn't undergone a
fraction of the pain I went through. I want more DOROTHY TORTURE. I want
my JUSTICE!"
Arashi- [Wu] I want my blanky!
"Justicejusticejustice," sang Nataku.
"Onna!"
"All right, all right."
"And call me Master."
Arashi- ::snicker:: Forget Master, CALL ME QUEEN!
Tomo- Aren't there enough in this story as it is?
"Yes, Master Ass Cramp."
"What?"
"Oops." I didn't mean to say that part out loud, she thought.
* * *
"I refuse to be part of a harem," said Quatre. "I'm the one who should own
a harem."
"The Queen of the World shares with no one," declared Relena. "Heero, go
kill everybody off!"
Nuriko- [Heero] Gladly. So he shoots everyone and claims Dorothy for his
own.
Treize stood in front of Dorothy and said, "Anybody who wants Dorothy will
have to go through me!"
Zechs took the machine gun Noin stole from Dorothy's collection and pointed
it at Treize. "Ok."
"NO, don't kill Treize-sama!!!" yelled Dorothy.
"Stop!" screamed Dr. J. as he ran into the room. "I have a message that
concerns you all!"
Nuriko- TAIITSUKUN! ::hides behind his chair::
Tomo- ::arches an eyebrow:: Who?
Arashi- Never mind.
They paused and turned to him.
"Zechs, I am your father!"
Arashi- [J] Join me and we shall rule the universe as hideous old guy and
bishonen!
Zechs frothed at the mouth and fainted, as does Treize and Noin.
Tomo- Oh great, you killed them!
Trowa thought about it for a second then said. "I thought Zechs' father
died during the fall of Sanc."
"Well, actually I'm just his uncle."
"What happened?" said Quatre, gesturing at Dr. J's face and body. Ewwww,
thought Quatre, a thought echoed in the minds of the others.
"Mad scientist get exposed to some extremely toxic chemicals. I used to be
so handsome!" wept Dr. J as everyone left standing face vaulted.
Nuriko- And I'm Tamahome.
Arashi- No, but Heero is...sort of...(2)
"I really hope you are not attracted to me," says Dorothy, a little
frightened. He's definitely not going to be part of MY harem.
"Oh, no, not a whit."
"Why?" said a relieved Dorothy.
He holds up his mechanical hand and says, "Honey, this ain't the only part
of me that's mechanical."
Everyone face vaulted again.
Nuriko- Eeeeewwwwwww!
Arashi- Look on the bright side; there will never be more little Dr. J's!
Tomo- Thank Seiryu.
* * *
"Wufei, I just . . ." said Sally as she came back from grocery shopping.
"Who is this girl?"
"Um, she's Nataku."
"She's Nataku? The I'm-not-worthy-of-riding-you Nataku?"
Nataku gasped, then slapped Wufei. "How dare you say those things about
me?"
Nuriko- ::sing song:: Ooooo, someone's in trooouuubleeee!
"I was talking about my Gundam, fool!"
Tomo- How would you do that to a Gundam?
Wufei then gave Sally a short version of what was happening.
Sally raised an eyebrow and said, "Oh, really now?"
"See, this is the lamp! The . . ."
Tomo- [Sally] I know, I see it every night after all!
Sally snatched the lamp away from him and rubbed it.
Nuriko- Ouch! Hey, that thing should be more firmly attached!
Nataku walked over to her and said, "Now, you're the man!"
Nuriko- What? A MAN?!?! ::boggle:: Wow, how does he fake that chest?
"What? Nataku?" Wufei said.
"Place a barrier between me and Wufei!" said Sally quickly before Wufei
could lunge for the lamp back.
"ONNA! Give me Nataku back!"
Sally smiled and said, "You can't do world & colonial peace, can you?"
Nataku shook her head. "Sorry, no."
"Hmm," thought Sally. She then said, "I wish that everybody be matched with
who they should be with."
"An excellent wish!!!" said Nataku.
* * *
"Oh, Wufei, you fell like mana from heaven right into my arms!" wept Treize
as he glomped unto the angry bishonen.
"KISAMA! NATAKU!" hollered Wufei.
"I've got the rope you ordered, Treize," said Trowa, his green eyes a
twinkling..
"Excellent," sighed Treize, happy as Wufei keeps pounding him on the back.
S&M at its best, he thought.
"Trowa, you bastard!" screamed Wufei.
Tomo- [Wu] You know I always loved you! How could you hand me over to the
enemy like this?
Dorothy finds herself in her dungeon with two new love-toys, handcuffed and
naked, to play with. She smiled the smile of a shark and said, "Quatre,
Relena-sama, prepare to learn the meaning of pleasure and pain!"
"Yes, Mistress Dorothy," chorused the two.
Tomo- You know...the little blonde's not half bad...
Nuriko- Hentai. One hundred percent hentai!
Tomo- So why are you staring?
Nuriko- Etto...because it's such a big screen...yeah...::cough::
Heero woke up and found himself in a comfy bed, right between Zechs and
Duo...
Tomo- Lucky bastard...
Nuriko- ::makes big eyes at Duo:: He has a braid the color of my eyes!
Arashi- And eyes the color of your braid.
Nuriko- ::yells at Heero:: LUCKY BASTARD!!!! I WANNA BE YOU!!!!
And Noin, Sally and Nataku lived happily ever after.
THE END
Arashi cuddled further in Tomo's lap as the credits rolled. "I just love a
movie with a happy ending!" Looking up at the other two he grinned broadly.
"So, who wants to go get ice cream and plot how to make off with Zechs,
Duo and Quatre?"
Tomo and Nuriko both grinned.
(1) Zechs and Hotohori have the same Japanese voice actor...
(2) As do Heero and Tama-chan.
***
~Owari~